You have some balls
Edition 41: Reflections on masculine energy
It’s January, and I have the sort of manic “must sort shit out energy” right now that means I will inevitably throw out a bunch of things that we need again in six months time. I have de-cluttered four cupboards in the last week, and am taking an Anna Wintour-esque iciness to my appraisal of kids’ artwork as I create ‘trash’ vs ‘keep’ piles. As a 42 year old woman drowning in peri-menopausal hormones and with around 5 minutes per week for quiet reflection, these are the type of frantic vibes I bring to the party.
Meanwhile, billionaire Mark Zuckerberg thinks that “the corporate world is pretty neutered” and we need to bring back masculine energy to our companies and celebrate “aggression a bit more.” Where do we start with this pathetic bullshit?
The irony is that his statement had the desired effect on me: there are few things that get me more aggressive than misogyny from a powerful, privileged man child who has a face like Bert from Sesame Street and as loose an attachment to principles as Judas after a couple of glasses of holy wine.
Zuckerberg’s call to arms for incels and rapists — for that is what it is — is confounding on so many levels. Is he suggesting that men have natural instincts to be violently ruthless and that they must be allowed to do as they please or capitalism will die? Are companies only able to succeed if the patriachy is unfettered — should we be letting them charge around on horses and erect statues to themselves if America is to compete on the world stage? Should we eradicate all women and anyone with “feminine energy” from business for fear of messing with the perfection of male instincts — why not get rid of anyone that isn’t an insecure white man with a penis-shaped head, which presumably is what Zuckerberg’s roll back of ‘Diversity, Equity and Inclusion’ protection at Meta is intended to do, if followed to its logical conclusion. Should we accept that people imbued with this “masculine energy” are so weak emotionally that they can’t bear to be engaged in nuanced discussion over their decisions, and that to do so is the equivalent of twisting their balls like a eunuch?
More to the point, who are these people that contain the “masculine energy” he is searching for? It is certainly not the boys and men that I choose to spend time with.
Sure, my son and husband have more testosterone than me and my daughter. But that does not make them aggressive. They are passionate about whether Liverpool score and the outcome of Salah’s contract negotiations (don’t leave us, Mo!) They take great pleasure in bashing each other on the head in the guise of M.Bison or Blanka on Street Fighter II. My son is fierce in his advocacy for “just one more book” before bedtime, and my husband is the king of silent protest in the morning until he’s drunk at least two cups of strong, black coffee. They are both kind, smart, successful humans with plenty of boy energy and habits, and both are moving through the world creating friends, acquiring skills, doing things they want to do, and adding value to our community in a million different ways. My husband is the most driven and ambitious person I know. Neither throws their weight around, threatens anyone or lashes out with words or violence to get what they want out of life.
I listen to a lot of podcasts. Over the last week alone, I have listened to conversations with James Ivory, creator of the period drama movie as we know it, including my all time fave A Room With a View, and Oscar-winning writer of Call Me By Your Name; Nile Rodgers, one of the most influential musician/writer/producers of the last 50 years, who has sold millions and millions of records including timeless classics like Le Freak and He’s The Greatest Dancer; Nick Cave, legendary gothic-tinged punk Australian musician, king of the Murder Ballad, and creator of perhaps the most heartbreaking song ever Into My Arms; and Yorgos Lanthimos, brilliantly weird Greek film director who has proved that films can be hilarious and provocative and moving all at the same time, with hits including The Favorite and Poor Things.
I don’t know any of these people personally, so I can’t vouch for their characters. But just listening to them talk thoughtfully about their lives and influences tells me they could not give a toss about gender or identity or “masculine” traits in their search for good ideas and skilled partners in reaching great heights. James Ivory dedicated his Oscar to his now deceased producing (and life) partner Ismail Merchant and writing partner Ruth Prawer Jhabvala; Nick Cave credits his wife for changing his life, helping him get clean and bringing him continuing joy in face of huge adversity (they lost two sons in the last 10 years); Nile Rodgers’ learned his music craft from the ongoing stream of artists coming through his home in the West Village, and was inspired to create his band Chic after seeing Roxy Music in London, in all their glamorous, tight trousered glory; Yorgos Lanthimos chose choreographer Pina Bausch and British playwright Sarah Kane as two of his biggest creative inspirations.
Of course, running a company is different to creative success in some ways. For the last five years, I have worked as Chief Strategy Officer alongside my boss, the CEO, at the business where I work. We have navigated a global pandemic, the resulting contraction and subsequent expansion of our business, and continue to grow through the ongoing headwinds and opportunities of changing world events, market shifts, and staff needs. You have to make tough calls a lot as a business leader. You have to be decisive. You will piss people off sometimes, and you certainly can’t please everyone. I have zero “masculine energy” and I still manage to step up to that challenge.
In my time in this job, two people have had the biggest impact on me and how I show up for our people, our mission and achieving our financial goals. They are both women, and they both held the Chief Operating Officer position — arguably the most important role in any business, since they have the firmest grip on the purse strings and the experience for employees.
My good friend Nicole Navratil hired me, seeing my potential as a leader and showing me how you can be both kind and firm in addressing staff changes. Turns out planning is the key, and clear communications. All that, and she has the most fabulous wardrobe of full-on patterns and colors any executive of any gender ever had. Titilayo Golden is my current partner in business operations, and she is both a financial queen — streamlining processes, tightening policies, modelling for success — and seamless in her support of people at every level. Plus, as a proud and energetic single mother of a 13 year old girl, she is my source of all wisdom for what I have to expect as my daughter edges closer each year towards terrifying teendom. Thank you ladies, for all your gender-irrelevant brilliance.
Of course, I will be posting about this newsletter on Instagram, and I hope someone at Meta is watching. Just in case they missed it, for the algorithm: F*ck you Mark Zuckerberg. Please don’t label your current decisions as exertions of “masculine” energy — you are offending everyone, including all the men in my life. Being a jerk doesn’t have a gender. That’s on you.
What a beautifully written (and SOO true) essay. Always appreciate your from the heart work